My Step-Sister...

This is my step-sister Cleo. She's just not that bright. I'm not trying to be cruel, she just isn't. To be polite and put it subtly, she's the dullest knife in a drawer full of spoons. (But I'm neither subtle nor polite, so let's just call her a fucking idiot.)

Other names we have for Cleo:

Dingleberry ('cause she can't reach her butt to clean it on account of her rotund gut)

Douche bag (only I call her this)

Cleo-Face (my female room-mate calls her this, I think it's idiotic)

Hey Stupid! (for obvious reasons)

It can occasionally be entertaining to have her around, occasionally. For instance, she's fun to chase. I run at her, she runs away and because of her gut, I easily catch up. If we play fight, I win. She loves to roll the treat ball around and I simply wait for the treats to fall out and swoop them up before she even realizes they've fallen out. Twit! (And if you don't know what a treat ball is, you're probably just as fucking daft as she is and I'm not going to stoop to your level to explain.)

Things about her I detest:

1. She asks for permission, for everything. eg. I jump onto my room-mates bed whenever I damn well please. After all, this is MY house... ...her, she sits on the floor next to bed 'meowing' like some pet until they let her up. How fucking demeaning.
2. She smells like shit. I'm not saying this to be mean, but if you're nickname is 'Dingleberry' because you have little chunks of dried poop hanging off your ass-fur, you're bound to emit a shit smell. Am I right?
3. That daft look on her face. If I hadn't been horribly mutilated and declawed at such a young age, I'd scratch it clean off her marbled little face.
4. That daft look on her face. (See above for details...)
5. Her complete and utter uselessness... I spend countless waking hours plotting, scheming and destroying and all this little ball of shit and fur does is lay there looking confused or perplexed. What about, I don't know, because she's obviously not thinking about anything.

I could go on, but I hear a car in the driveway and since both my room-mates are home, it means we've got a visitor for me to torment. ...and just when I thought this entire day was going to be a write-off.