Mission #2: Devour Scrumptious White Thing

Mission Objective:

It's white, it's delicious, it's crinkly, it's a plastic bag... I want to eat it so damn bad.

Background:

There are very few things that I enjoy as much as grocery day in this place. My minions, on a mission as per my instructions obviously, head to the ape store (or A&P, I can't tell the difference) and bring back assorted sundries and treats. None of which interest me - it's the containers they come in that get me all riled up. The crinkle, shuffle, crackle of the translucent goodness of a plastic grocery bag. Mmmmmm, nothing else is as flavourless or void of nutritional value. Nothing.

I don't know what it is about the pure, driven, extruded poly-plastic heaven that is a plastic bag that gets me so fired up. I just know it's good.

You know what's good, plastic bags, that's what's good.

I'm salivating as I type this. My roommates, the bitches they are, try to keep me away from these little nanometer thin wafers of godly delight - but I get past their defenses occasionally and I feast. Boy, do I ever feast.

I'm ready for seconds, I'm going to go and check the front hall to see if either of those assholes left a stray bag lying around.

Oh man them bags be good.

Nemesis #1: Jaybler

Name: Jaybler (aka VaJayJay aka The Jayblinator aka JayJay the Holiday Bear; Seriously, who comes up with this shit?)

Profile: He spends a lot of time here in my home - too much for my liking in fact. He plays 'the Xbox' and does a lot of strange things like arguing moot points with my roomates, saying 'indeed' as a response to serious questions and statements, and imitating that guy that my roommate Tony likes to watch on Saturdays and Sundays. (pictured below)

This is NOT the Jaybler, so he should stop pretending that it is....

Ultimately, the Jaybler is my nemesis because he's irritating; he waltzes into MY home, insults me, accuses me of plotting to maim/hurt him, which I am, but he has no evidence of that and should shut up about it until he does....

He burps, he farts, he makes faces and odd noises when he does these things - he steals my cat toys (loser) and is a general inconvenience to my life. I will be rid of him soon, oh yes, I will...

My Plan: My concerted attacks; the growls, the hissing, the swatting at his heels and even that one time I cornered him in the upstairs bathroom and he had to call my roommate Tony to convince me to let him out... ...they all seem to have worked. The fucker moved to Barrie a few weeks ago and now I only have to tolerate him on weekends.

I've managed to steal a piece of paper with his address on it and am going to rent a cab in the middle of the night, steal away to Barrie and smother him while he sleeps; or just shit on his carpet, I haven't decided yet. (I'm a cat, being vengeful is what we do.)

***Note: I've just returned from a 'special place' and will post a blog about the adventure that saw me away from my audience for such a lengthy spell. Just waiting for the photos to get developed.***