Introducing "Mr. Bad-Ass"!

Cute ain't I?

That's the initial reaction I get from people every time they see my baby photos - particularly the one above. (Some people even have it hanging on their walls.)

What can I say, I was just born adorable - but it was all part of a larger plan. I'm not just cute and cuddly for the sake of being so. No, no, no. There is a method to it.

Essentially my story is as follows:

"I'm cute, I'm intelligent, I'm devious and ultimately I'm going to eat your stuff."

That is essentially a concise summation of what I'm all about.

I mean, people try to hide their stuff from me - they put it in cupboards, closets, their purses/knapsacks. But it's pointless. I mean, try as you might to prevent it, I'm going to eat your stuff. A re-enactment of what I'm all about would go something like this:

----- Scenario -----

Me: "Hey ummm, visitor person. Is that your stuff?"

You: "OMG! You're so damn cute. Yeah, that's my stuff, why do you ask?"

Me: "I'm gonna eat it."

You: "Oh no, silly kitten... ...I'm going to put my stuff away, like on the back of this chair or in my purse..."

Me: (Sarcastically) "Yeah, that'll work."

...at this point you'll probably engage the home-owners about why I behave the way I do and express to them that you're slightly intimidated by me, because that is generally the effect I have on people. In the meantime, I'll hop up onto a table, or unzip your purse/knapsack and begin devouring something I feel you might find valuable. Then you catch on...

You: "Hey cat, what are you doing over there?" (You're going to shout this.)

Me: "I'm eatin' your stuff."

You: "WTF?"

Me: "I told you I was going to eat your stuff. When I say I'm going to eat your stuff, it literally means I'm going to eat your shit. I mean, you have belongings, I eat your belongings. Law of nature. Piss off, I'm not finished."

----- End Scenario -----

And that's how it works. I really get a good laugh out of these occasions. You probably won't. My room-mates (Tiff and Tony), they don't enjoy it and end up having to buy replacement shit for the people whose shit I ate. Suckers.

I'm going to go lay down and nap now - maybe lick my ass for a bit first...

More tomorrow...